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Am I Not a Mother? (Representation of Moms in the Media)

May 10, 2012 By 8 Comments

I am taking a mini-break from my Mother’s Day 2012 coverage in order to address an issue that has been bothering me this week. (I will return back to the regularly scheduled Mother’s Day gift ideas, giveaways and recipes after this little break :-) .) FYI: This post was not inspired by one particular thing. It was a series of things. However, I would say the “tipping points” were a “Modern Mothers”/ Mommy Blogger info graphic on Mashable and a movie screening that I attended earlier this week. The movie was representative of motherhood, but the presence of a brown mom in a nurturing role was glaringly absent (to me).

“Why does everything have to be about race? “ is a sentiment that I frequently read when writers point out real or perceived (depending on whom you ask) slights in media representation. To get that out of the way for the purposes of this post, let’s expand the conversation and make it about representation…which is a bit more accurate anyway. While everything is not an issue of race and representation in the media, some things are…including the general coverage of mothers in both traditional and social media. I have especially seen the disparities when it comes to coverage of moms around Mother’s Day.

It is 2012, a time when there is such a great diversity of races, cultures, economic classes and lifestyle choices among moms, yet the media still persists in primarily portraying moms as white, heterosexual, married, economically elite women. I have a major problem with that default setting for “mom”. Back in 1851, the legendary Sojourner Truth asked “Ain’t I A Woman” to both advocate for the rights of all women and to also point out that black women were no less female despite not being placed on a societal pedestal.  In 2012, I ask a similar question for each of the moms who don’t fit into the media’s stereotypical mom box: “Ain’t I a mom?” (I’m just going to have to change that to “Am I Not a Mom” just in case my kids ever happen to read this!)

As a brown woman, I see this lack of diversity in the coverage of moms most obviously in the skin color of the women who are consistently picked for the mom “lists”, paid ads, endorsements and such. It’s much more than that though. I’m sure that if I were a part of another underrepresented group of moms (young moms, single moms, moms of biracial kids, lesbian moms, moms of kids with special needs, moms from a lower economic class and such), then I would see the lack of diversity from a different lens. I’m a realist and I realize that it would be impossible to include every category of mom in every ad and every show. However, it would be wonderful if both the media and marketers would make more of an effort to show a greater mix of moms.

Sometimes, I don’t think that people realize how powerful the media truly is when it comes to perception. That is why it bothers me in particular that married brown moms with little brown kids (my reality) are rarely seen in a positive, engaged light in the media. I really believe that effects societal expectations of black moms who “mother” their own children. Personally, I wonder…

-Is that why it was so difficult for several white moms to comprehend that I was Michael’s mom and not his nanny when he was a toddler? The first time someone made that mistake, it was a little funny…not so funny after five + times. (I can give those who made similar mistakes about Sean the benefit of the doubt, because he looks like his father. Michael looks SO much like me though!)

-Is that why Manhattan business leaders couldn’t believe that I was (the original brand) “Mom in the City”? Initially, Mom in the City was an offline group and I hosted mom meetups at various spots around NYC. If I had a dollar for every time that a business owner asked me if I worked for Mom in the City when I went in to their offices to finalize event details, then I would have at least enough to buy two of my beloved Caramel Frappuccinos. In a city as racially diverse as Manhattan with its many brown moms, why was it so hard to believe that a brown mom’s “brand” could be “mom in the city”? Besides, I had a picture of (brown) me on my website!

-Is that why certain brands attempt to compensate groups of “multicultural” mom bloggers with products and/or a trip in exchange for long-term ambassador work assignments while compensating more “mainstream moms” monetarily for similar work? (Actually, I’m not positive that this one is a representation issue. This just might be an “across the women blogger board” thing!)

In any event, I know that it can be uncomfortable to question our hidden assumptions about various life roles. At the end of the day, I’m a “Pollyanna”. I think that people (in both traditional and social media) will do better when they become conscious of the messages that they send regarding the essence of motherhood. Consistently focusing on one particular subset of moms is not advantageous to any mom. Ultimately, I think that the ties that bond moms together are greater than the ones that separate us. We all love our kids. We all make sacrifices for our kids. We all “deserve” to be represented and celebrated on Mother’s Day…and every day. Are we not all moms?

What do you think? Are you comfortable with the way that the media currently represents moms?

Filed Under: Mother's Day 2012, My Life, Parenting & Family Tagged With:

My (Most Recent) Bad Mommy Moment

April 27, 2012 By 2 Comments

I was NOT smiling...


This week started off a bit rough. Both of the boys were scheduled to go for their annual physical after school on Monday. Sean had been coughing a lot since the wet day before, so I had kept him home from pre-k. I really don’t like the annual physicals anyway, because there is always blood drawn and/or immunization shots. Of course, the kids don’t enjoy them and I spend the majority of the time reminding them that a little pain now prevents a whole lot of pain later.

As soon as we entered the doctor’s office, Michael started acting up. “I don’t want a shot, “ he complained. Here we go. He was making such a fuss that he got Sean worked up about going next. After all of that, when it was actually time to get Michael’s blood drawn and one shot, he was all like, “Oh, that wasn’t so bad.” (Exactly, but by that point Sean had started with the whole, “I don’t want a shot” song.) Well, the good news is that Sean didn’t have to get any shots. The bad news is the reason why…

When the doctor asked me if I had any concerns about Sean, I mentioned that I thought that he possibly had a combination of allergies and asthma. (He had been coughing after physical activity and after wet weather. Reggie’s brother and my sister have asthma, so I thought that it was highly probable that Sean had a lighter version of it.) The doctor listened to Sean’s breathing and said, “It’s not bad…” I (along with Sean and Michael) breathed a sigh of relief. She wasn’t finished though… “It’s horrible,” she continued. Okaaay. Basically, Seany does have asthma and he was only taking in about a straw full of air with each breath, so the doctor gave him a prescription for Prednisolone and Albuterol. She cut out the dairy (except yogurt) and instructed him to stay indoors under the air conditioner for the next couple of days until his follow-up visit.  Sean’s reaction when we told him that he needed to sleep in our room for a couple of nights made me laugh. “What about my relationship with Michael?” he asked. (The two love to chat for a bit when we put them down for the night together.) Suffice it to say, Sean AND Michael took over our bed.

So, here’s where the “Bad Mommy Moment” comes in…

As soon as we left the doctor, Sean reminded me that I had made him walk a lot earlier that morning and didn’t believe him when he was huffing and puffing along. I knew that he was going to say that…because I was thinking the exact same thing! Earlier in the day, we had gone to the grocery store after dropping Michael off to school. I was carrying 5 – 6 heavy grocery bags and Sean was carrying one light bag -bread and a couple of other light items – in his backpack since I didn’t have a rolling cart with me. He had started to complain that he was tired, but he was doing it in a funny way – going “Whew! Whew! Whew!” and smiling after every few steps. I had said, “Don’t you want to be helpful like Thomas?” He had replied, “Thomas is a TRAIN.” (Oh well, I tried.) Little did I know that my sweet boy really was having a hard time breathing. Bad mommy indeed…hanging my head.

Oh well, thank God for medical insurance, family and friends. We were able to get Sean what he needed and to find people to drop off and pick up Michael from school for the next couple of days so that he could recuperate. Thankfully, he was much better at the follow up visit. I asked his doctor if the medications that she had prescribed make kids a little hyper. “No,” she replied. “They make them A LOT hyper.” She is the master of the build-up, right?! Anyway, that’s good to know, because Seany was bouncing off the walls. (Next time, warn a mother!) In any event, I have more than paid for my bad mommy moment this week. Sean has milked it for all that it is worth. In addition, Reggie and I have been kicked out of our room until the end of May. (The two air conditioners that we have are in the living room and in our bedroom, so Sean and Michael will be sleeping in our bed while we sleep in theirs…doctor’s orders. Thankfully, they have a large, comfortable trundle bed that fits both of us on top!)

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Let’s Play!

April 26, 2012 By 1 Comment


If you look at my sidebar, you will see a little “Let’s Play” Ambassador badge. Basically, “Let’s Play” is an initiative by Dr Pepper Snapple (DPS) that launched last year. It’s a community partnership focused on getting kids active nationwide by providing ideas, tools and actual places where communities can increase their physical activity. A major part of the program is a $15 million playground grants commitment to KaBOOM!, a national non-profit organization focused on bringing play back into the lives of children. Ultimately, the goal is to build or fix up 2,000 playgrounds by the end of 2013, which would benefit approximately five million children across North America. Providing tools to help kids be active and encouraging kids to play…of course I want to be a part of this program!

A few weeks ago a friend (who is a fellow blogger) asked me why I am not a part of a lot of blogger ambassador programs. Honestly, I don’t accept most offers for extended ambassador relationships (paid or unpaid) for a couple of reasons. First of all, I have to really believe in the product or service in order to have my name associated with it. In my opinion, ambassador programs are more than standard reviews. It’s more like a stamp of approval. Secondly, I’m a minimalist and I just don’t like a lot of badges cluttering up my sidebar. So, for the most part, I try to stick to 2 to 3 extended brand associations at a time.  All of that is written to explain that I really believe in the mission of the “Let’s Play” program.

I’m especially excited to announce that Let’s Play is celebrating their one-year anniversary today and will be building a play space in Philadelphia. If you would like to join me in advancing the Let’s Play mission of saving play, I want to encourage you to take the Let’s Play Pledge —at Facebook.com/LetsPlay and to learn more about the program at LetsPlay.com. The pledge is simply to spend at least 60 extra minutes of active play per week with your children. That’s only 20 minutes a day for 3 days a week or 10 minutes a day if you spread it over 6 days. I don’t know about your kids but mine need at least 20 minutes a day to release their energy or they are bouncing off the walls anyway! If you want to get even more involved, you can apply for a playground grant for your neighborhood. Grants range from $500 (for playground completion projects) to $30,000 (for construction of new playgrounds). Yay for more play! :-)

FYI: As a “Let’s Play” ambassador, I am compensated financially for helping to spread the word about this initiative and writing for Let’s Play online channels. As always, the words and “play” are distinctly mine!

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Bubble Blast

March 15, 2012 By Leave a Comment

At the boys’ birthday party someone had the bright idea to get a bubble machine for one of the dance portions of the party. Okay, I was that someone! I didn’t anticipate that the kids would rush the bubble machine/not wait for the bubbles to flow to them.  Suffice it to say…bubble juice plus a hard wood floor are not a good combo. I noticed that the floor was getting slippery so I rushed over to make the kids move back before someone slipped and fell. Well, I (somewhat) accomplished my mission. No child was hurt. I was though! My foot slipped from underneath me. I fell backwards, then my neck jerked and my head banged HARD against the floor. Ouch! I had never hit my head so hard before in my life. My head was throbbing, but I quickly got back up and finished the party. “Are you okay?” Michael worriedly asked. “I’m fine,” I responded. “Go and have fun.” (Minus the pounding headache, I was fine.)  The hilarious part is that I caught it on video…


That banging sound at the end…that would be my head hitting the floor!
 

During and right after the party, my family and friends expressed their concerns about my head, but I was too busy to think about it. Reggie’s aunt, who was on the other side of the room said, “I just heard a loud bump.”  “Yep…that would have been my head,” I joked. (Thank God that I have a big head!) After hearing the term “brain bleed” several times though, I began to get worried. Much like fevers, head injuries kind of freak me out, because you don’t know whether they are really serious or not. Reggie is so sweet…he said, “I’m going to wake you up several times tonight to make sure that you’re okay.” I laughed, but I must admit that I did pray on Saturday night, “Dear God, please don’t let me die in my sleep tonight. That would totally ruin all future birthdays for my boys!” Since I’m typing this, obviously my prayers were answered. Besides a sore neck and a slight headache, all is well. (To satisfy my loving husband, I am going to make an appointment with the doctor tomorrow though…just to be 100% safe.)

Bubbles!

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Birthday for Boys
(Chelsea Studios is my favorite location!)

March 15, 2012 By Leave a Comment

I was talking to a relative today and we agreed that Chelsea Studios “owe” me commission. Since I had Michael’s “Pirate and Princess” (also known as “my hair caught on fire!”) birthday party, I have sent a ton of business there way! Let me explain…

I love kids and I actually enjoy being around them…except in tight spaces. I get semi-claustrophobic with a bunch of people in small spaces anyway. Adding little boys and girls running, yelling and playing (as they totally should be doing at a kiddie party!) into the mix and it’s a recipe for this mommy to have a mental meltdown. That’s where Chelsea Studios come in the picture. I really think that they are one of the best deals for wide-open space to hold birthday parties for my boys in Manhattan for the following reasons:

1.) It’s easily accessible. While available parking spaces during prime hours can be hassle, it’s very close to a variety of public transportation.

2.) It’s affordable. When you mention the words “birthday party” to space owners in the city, it seems like the prices automatically jump up. (I’m talking up to double the regular rate for using the space!) That is not the case with Chelsea Studios…their rates remain the same. The largest studios – which can hold around 80 people – are currently $65/hour…which is still a steal!

3. Their staff is friendly and flexible. I don’t know about you, but I like to give my money to “nice” people. I have used the studios for a variety of events over the years and I have never had an unpleasant experience with their staff. I can’t say enough good things about them.

4.) Coat racks, chairs and tables are all included in the rental fee. For most places, you have to rent your own chairs and tables.

5.) There’s plenty of bright, clean space for the kids to run around and play. I love it. The kids love it. It’s a win-win!

Side note: The floors are made of wood. So, if you have the bright idea to bring a bubble machine to your party (like SOMEONE I know did)…don’t! Hard wood floors and sticky bubble solution combine to become a recipe for disaster/concussion watch. You’re welcome :-) !

By the way, I have NO affiliation with Chelsea Studios at all. I just give them my money and encourage others to do the same!

Filed Under: Parenting & Family, Uniquely NYC Tagged With: